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Most likely your spouse has been hooking up with other adults, so he or she is not a direct danger to your kids.

However, your kids could still be inadvertently exposed age-inappropriate sexual materials (online pornography, sexualized chat sites, etc.) and this possibility must be addressed—the sooner the better.

We know that there is some tension in the house, and we want you to understand that it is not your fault.

We both still love you and we care about your wellbeing, even though we might not seem normal to you for a while.” Then, if the kids have any questions, and they probably will, you can answer them in an age-appropriate way.

Usually the betrayed partner has very basic questions, and needs straightforward support.

Quite frankly, at no point during my two-plus decades as a psychotherapist specializing in sexual intimacy and betrayal concerns has this been more apparent than right now, in the wake of the Ashley Madison hack.

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My first piece of advice here is that you need to remember that whatever you say now cannot be unsaid later on, so temper your comments.Instead, he or she is invested in your emotional health and long-term happiness.Therefore, his or her priority will be guiding you toward the best possible decisions, taking into account your highly individualized needs and desires. Most betrayed spouses want to know much more about what happened than the cheater would like to tell. In fact, gaining this knowledge is empowering and an integral part of the healing process.Plus, it’s hurtful and vindictive and it won’t make you feel better.Instead, turn to supportive, empathetic friends and family members who can listen without judging.

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